After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
