Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
