I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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