We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
