i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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