Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
