dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
