I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
