there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
