yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
