sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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