Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
