I've blown a few things in my day
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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