apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
