You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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