ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
