I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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