if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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