She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
