member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
