1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
