My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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