I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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