She's JV to your varsity
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
