Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
