I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
