I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
