hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
