yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
