Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
