careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
