I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
