just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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