so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
