I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
