My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
