dude i'm inner monologue high
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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