did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
