i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
