Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this is an emotional support booty call
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
