im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
