Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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