Already got asked if we're dating
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
