I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
