god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
