I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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