I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
