I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
