not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
