I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
