....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
