So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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