I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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