Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
