Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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