Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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